2011: .232/.308/.358, 1 HR, 12 RBI
Career: .241/.300/.358, 35 HR, 204 RBI
2012 Projections - N/A
Expected Role: Backup catcher
Gerald Laird’s value goes beyond numbers. There aren’t really any projections for him, because you can’t project Gerald Laird. Throw the career stats out the window. You can harp on the .232 average last year all you want, but that’s the best .232 average in baseball history. When Gerald Laird is on the field, he changes the complexion of the game – no ifs, ands, or buts.
And don’t forget his defensive ability. The man is a legend. Who needs Pudge Rodriguez when you have Gerald Laird? Remember every day when Rod Allen would point out how he grips the baseball when he throws people out at second like laserbeams and stuff? Yeah, get used to seeing that again. We’re bringing it back.
Gerald Laird brings a presence. Why do you think the St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series last year? It’s not because of Albert Pujols, or Lance Berkman, or their pitching, or their defense. It’s because Gerald Laird was the heart and soul of that baseball team. When they were out of it in September, Gerald Laird never gave up. He carried them back. He sat there on the bench cheering with gusto, and not many players can cheer with that much gusto, I don’t mind saying. They weren’t even supposed to win the wildcard, and Gerald Laird was the backbone of their World Series run. And he’s gonna do the same here.
Gerald Laird is back, everybody. Kick back, relax, and watch as he leads the Detroit Tigers to the promised land – and then leads the entire City of Detroit in a massive singalong of “Hey, Soul Sister” at the victory parade in Hart Plaza.

Next: Luis Marte
Comments
That. Was. AMAZING.
Read this while at work(on break of course)and nearly doubled over I was laughing so hard. Wanted to drop by and say thank you.
Let us not forget his brilliance, noteworthy veteran leadership, unbearable speed and the ability to suk one at every occation possible. Great columb on LardAss, Grey.